“Your heart is like the ocean, mysterious and dark.” – Bob Dylan

Scuba diving is one of the most exciting activities I engage in. It’s a chance to go to places I otherwise might not go and see things I could never see if only snorkeling.

After a recent diving excursion, I had an epiphany:

Exploring the ocean’s bottom reminds me a lot of exploring the depths of a relationship.

Here’s why:

1. You’re often exploring uncharted territory – after all, every relationship is new because every person brings different personalities, triggers, scars, and lifestyles.
2. There’s an aspect of danger with the potential you could run out of oxygen – relationships are vulnerable and can feel scary, and our brains can equate emotional pain with physical pain.
3. There are encounters with strange creatures, some beautiful, some terrifying, and some that will sting or even bit an appendage off – I think this is self explanatory!
4. And there’s a chance you won’t equalize and be able to descend in the first place – sometimes, our bodies (or hearts) let us know it’s not the right time to get involved.

The safety measures in scuba diving are similar too:

1. You should always dive with a buddy – in the case of my heart, my buddy is my intuition / gut and I always bring the latter along.
2. It’s important to check the oxygen is flowing from your tank before you dive in – like checking your own readiness and emotional availability, making sure your love tank is full of your own self knowing, admiration, and respect.
3. While diving, you should regularly check your dive computer – like doing heart check-in’s to make sure she (or he) is calibrated, has enough air (maybe room to breathe), and hasn’t spent too much time at a dangerous depth (co-dependents, can I get an amen?).
4. Finally, there’s a 3-minute safety stop at 15 feet before you ascend to the surface – kind of like spending some time with yourself every now and again to make sure all is well with your body, soul, and mind.

There’s a lot we can learn from exploring the vast oceans of the earth, and just as much to discover in the vast oceans of the human experience. I believe we’re all doing our best, figuring it out one fin kick at a time. The clear advantage scuba diving has is it comes with a set of agreed-upon rules and an instruction manual.

[Photo: Diving off the coast of Panama in 2019]