“Joy is born out of a deep love for oneself combined with gratitude for everything in your life – good and bad, messy and beautiful, light and dark.” – Me

The lesson the universe has been asking me to learn in the last decade-plus is about choosing.

When I got engaged to be married 10 years ago, I thought, “This is it – someone has chosen me.” It had been a tumultuous 2 1/2 years of courting, and something about being chosen felt good. It was like a hole had been filled, but I didn’t realize the hole couldn’t be filled by someone else.

It’s hard writing those words. Recognizing all the ways I betrayed myself is heart wrenching. Looking back, I see how desperately I was seeking connection and relationship. I was willing to accept crumbs of affection and tolerate how I felt – small, crazy, stupid – because deep down, it’s what I thought I deserved. I suppressed my own voice and need for safety. I tended to other’s emotional needs before my own. I chose the relationship over my own joy, peace, and freedom.

Through my marriage and divorce, I realized how my lack of self worth caused me to attract exactly what I needed to understand my own beautiful heart. And it’s been a journey ever since.

This year, I was confronted with a crossroads of another relationship, and this time, I chose myself. It wasn’t easy, but I was proud for finally understanding the only real source of joy, peace, and freedom is within.

I chose me because I am worthy.

I chose me because I am beautiful, inside and out.

I chose me because I am a connecting joy-bomb.

I chose me because I belong to myself.

I chose me because love is a battlefield, but it doesn’t have to be.

I chose me because I am loving and kind, starting with me.

I chose me because I deserve to be chosen.

[Photo: Getting ready on my wedding day. Chosen, Part 1 post here.]