“When you become less of yourself, there’s less of you to be attracted to. When you become adaptive, all sorts of good things disappear of who you are as a person.” –Dr. Henry Cloud

Romantic relationships require a constant evaluation of what we want and the consistent evolution of who we are. We can’t stay stagnant. There is no neutral. We either shift into drive or reverse into a former version of us – a kind of going back to Egypt.*

I see evidence of my own evolution in fits and spurts in the way I try to act in relationship now. I’m no longer willing to adapt into a lesser version of myself or sacrifice my feelings for the sake of peace. I give voice to my emotions and complaints in a loving way instead of leaning on old, lazy, passive aggressive habits to communicate some displeasure. I am learning to listen to criticism and understand its truth. I am accepting the love and grace shown to me in great measure.

I am growing into the way of “this, and…” I am evolving and I still have a long way to go. I am a better version of myself in some ways and still need to examine my shadow sides. It’s not about wrong or right. It’s about choosing, moment by moment, which version of me will show up.

The world is not nearly as dualistic as we were taught and as language limits us.

The evaluation and the evolution is rarely linear. And, the more I take radical responsibility for myself and own all my choices and all my feelings, the sweeter the journey seems to be.

*Going back to Egypt is a phrase I’ve heard used when talking about wanting to return to a past situation even though it was terrible because it was known, and what we know is comfortable.

[Photo: Keenan and I in DC this past Christmas holiday.]