“Everyone is awesome when they’re single.” – Rachel K. Cross

I don’t know about you but “Single Rachel” is quite the catch. I mean, seriously…she is empathetic and a good listener and a great conversationalist. She’s witty and fun and creative and thoughtful. Single Rachel is always kind, always patient, and always gives you the benefit of the doubt.

And I’m only slightly kidding, because it’s easy to be that awesome when I’m single. However, when I get into a relationship, it’s like putting a big, magnifying mirror on my soul. You know, the kind you simultaneously love and hate for revealing all your blackheads and lazy pores. And what the mirror reveals is that easy-going, cool-with-everything Rachel can slowly morph into someone who is critical, demanding, and way less understanding.

One of the greater refining forces God invented for us mere mortals is relationship. Some friendships get deep enough where they expose your “ish” for what it is. But in my experience, nothing gets to the heart of the real you like being in a raw, vulnerable, romantic partnership. All my triggers, doubts, and insecurities are brought to the surface. And I actually think this is a good thing.

A good relationship should be challenging in a way that helps you learn, heal, and evolve. A partner with a complementary personality, different political views, and varied interests will push you to look at your beliefs, hurts, behaviors and way of being in the world, and show you where you have room to grow. And you should do the same for them.

“Relationship Rachel” will never be as awesome as Single Rachel. But she’ll always be a better student, and hopefully a quick study.

[Photo: Keenan and Relationship Rachel at the Panama Canal, August 2019]