“There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind.” ― C.S. Lewis

The first time I cut my dad’s toenails was a few years ago. Without going into all the details, he had been hospitalized and I hadn’t seen him for a couple of months. His condition was frightening. He was weak, pale, and had full body tremors. He was later diagnosed with a blood infection, cancer, and Parkinson’s.

Yesterday was my Dad’s 70th birthday and I still count it a miracle that he’s alive. His cancer is in remission, and though his Parkinson’s is progressing, he is in physical therapy, speech therapy, and has meds to stave off the worst symptoms. His bipolar depression is under control through medication and, in my opinion, socialization from living in an assisted living facility. 

If you had told me 10 years ago that I would be in charge of my father’s healthcare, I wouldn’t have believed you. And yet, so many friends my age find themselves in similar circumstances. All of us seem to share the same sense – a feeling that something is off. That it’s unnatural. 

The cycle of life is supposed to be that our parents take care of us. After all, we’re really just bigger and hopefully wiser versions of who we were when we were 7. 

No one told us this was possible. That some day, we’d be in charge of wills and doctor appointments and prescriptions. That we would be talking to social workers and interviewing hospice companies. That eventually we would be calling churches and making memorial arrangements. Certainly no one told us it would be this hard.

I don’t have a lot of sage advice or comforting words if you find yourself in a similar situation. I can only offer deep empathy and the same encouragement I need to hear myself: 

Celebrate your sacrifice, kindness, and contribution. 

Recognize you’re doing the best you can with what you have. 

Practice a lot of self compassion. 

Talk to other people about it – don’t go at it alone.

Oh and sometimes, in small doses, wine seems to help too. 

If you ever need to chat (or grab a glass of wine), you know where to find me. 🙂 

[Photo: At my dad’s birthday dinner yesterday; thanks to my friend Ami for joining us and taking this!]