“Our values should be so crystallized in our minds, so infallible, so precise and clear and unassailable, that they don’t feel like a choice–they are simply a definition of who we are in our lives.” –Brené Brown, Dare to Lead

If you haven’t gotten swept up in the wave of awesomeness also known as Brené Brown, you are missing out. Her profound research in the areas of shame, vulnerability, belonging, and whole heartedness have impacted my life more than any other author over the past four years. Her work has influenced personal lives around the globe, and she is now taking her learnings and using it to create healthy work cultures.

One of the most meaningful, practical exercises in her latest book, Dare to Lead, involves naming two values that you hold most dear. Here’s how she defines values: a way of being or believing that we hold most important.

The exercise is challenging because you have to pick just two core values – not three, or five, or ten. Two. That’s it. We are forced to get really clear on the things we claim guide our lives.

After working through a list in the book, I came up with these: Connection and Life-Giving. The first represents connection to myself, to others, and to God. And the second wasn’t on her list, but has been a filter of mine for years. 

I loved this exercise so much, I wanted to share it with anyone else who might be interested. So here’s one way to do it:

1. Look at the list of values she’s compiled from her work over the years and/or write down some of your own.
2. Put a mark next to the ones that you resonate with right away. I recommend limiting this to under 15.
3. Then, out of the ones with the marks, circle the ones that feel extra meaningful to you, but no more than seven or eight.
4. Finally, narrow those down to just one or two – the ones you feel a deep sense of self-identification and authenticity with.

Then, ask yourself these questions about the values you ended up:

1. Does this define me?
2. Is this who I am at my best?
3. Is this a filter that I use to make hard decisions?

Don’t worry – by picking one or two, you’re not saying the rest aren’t important. Those one or two core ones are “where the other ‘second tier’ values are tested.”

Naming my values so clearly gives me permission to act in alignment with them instead of operating out of obligation, fear, or something else negative. I now think of them when deciding how to show up in hard situations or even in making choices about the future. And I hold myself accountable to living into them in the day to day. Now that you know my values, you can help hold me accountable to them too 😉

Let me know if you do the exercise and what values you come up with!

p.s. Her Netflix special is great and basically covers the topics from Dare to Lead.

[Photo credit: Maile Wilson]