This is what God’s kingdom is like: a bunch of outcasts and oddballs gathered at a table, not because they are rich or worthy or good, but because they are hungry, because they said yes. And there’s always room for more. – Rachel Held Evans

This past week, Rachel Held Evans (affectionally referred to sometimes as RHE), a Christian author who consistently challenged the evangelical right and preached a message of radical inclusion, suddenly passed away at the age of 37. She inspired a generation to be less fearful and more loving. And though I only heard a few of her sermons and interviews throughout the year, I always felt like she was one of my people. 

Her influence was so great that #BecauseOfRHE started trending on Twitter from people paying tribute to the impact Evans had on them. This tweet from author, Nate Pyle, sums it up perfectly:

While I often reflect on my faith and what I believe today versus yesterday, Evans’ death feels like a marching order to keep wrestling with hard questions about suffering and grace and inclusion and the Bible. The truth is, there are so many things I believed 3, 5, and 10 years ago that I no longer subscribe to. And my picture of the Christ is infinitely different than what I often hear discussed or see modeled or admittedly model myself. 

I’m becoming more and more comfortable with the gray. With the nuance. With the not having to know all the answers to feel like I’m still faithful. 

I’m getting better at holding things in tension even when the world seems topsy turvy: the thanksgiving mixed with mourning for a nation still wrestling with who we are and who we want to be. The issues I have with Church. With my own life and how I struggle to balance a God who I know loves me deeply with stories of heartbreak and disappointments and failures all around me.

I am questioning and testing all the things I learned as a younger Christian, wanting to know if the heart of Jesus really cares about the sin management of our day to day lives versus the outpouring of love I know for certain we are called to. 

Whether the interpretation of the Bible I was spoon fed growing up is the absolute, inerrant truth I was taught to believe it was.

Whether I need to use an acronym to pray every morning, or if meditating and listening throughout the day is a more powerful way to connect to the Spirit. 

Whether gathering around a table and sharing a meal is really where Church happens more than any gathering on Sunday, though I still enjoy the experience of the latter. 

Through it all – and certainly because of it all – I find myself clinging closely to the sense that the Christ is real and that he is love. 

Whatever you choose to call God, however you choose to connect, may you find yourself free to ask questions and doubt and wrestle. May you feel the warm breath of the Divine on your life’s journey as you run, and play, and discover the world. And may you feel radically included by the source of love, light, and all good things. It’s how RHE would have wanted it.

[Photo: “File:Rachel Held Evans.jpg” by Dan Evans is licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0]

To read more on Rachel Held Evans, here are a few articles about her death, and more importantly her life:

• Because Rachel Held Evans, More Female Pastors, More Diverse Writers, More Christians Embracing Their Faith, Washington Post
• Rachel Held Evans, Hero to Christian Misfits, The Atlantic
• How Rachel Held Evans Should Really Be Remembered, Washington Post