May you have the courage to listen to the voice of desire that disturbs you when you have settled for something safe. –John O’Donohue
Have you ever been asked about what you want out of life? I mean really asked. As in what are your hopes, your dreams, and not just “where do you see in 5 years?”
During a low period two years ago, a friend asked me, “What are you excited about for your future?” I found myself speechless, a rare occurrence. I had been living in such a state of day by day and even moment by moment that I hadn’t given myself permission to think past the present. Or at least that’s what I told myself. The truth was that I was terrified to dream of my future because I wanted so much for it.
It seemed easier to pretend I didn’t want anything rather than face the possibility of wanting something I might never get.
Isn’t that true of so many areas of our lives? We stay at jobs that aren’t fulfilling because we don’t dare dream of what it would look like to leave. We can’t imagine taking time off to travel because we are too busy pretending we are content staying put. We don’t voice what we really want inside a relationship because it might mean rejection.
The simple truth is that each of us have many desires, but at times, they feel totally unattainable. To start a business. Or book that ticket. Or go after the girl.
I often feel afraid because my desires feel too big. I might as well want to go to Mars (which I have no desire to do, in case you’re wondering).
I think I’m supposed to write a book to help others who have endured the heartache of divorce.
I want to make more money so I can give more away.
I want to impact people, and maybe the world, in a tangible way.
I want to find my person – someone I choose based of the content of their character who chooses me back with the same, full force.
And those are just a few. To be sure, each of these will require action to make into reality. To write a book, I need a plan. To make more money, I have to grow my business. To impact people, I have to make myself more available. To find my person, I have to do the work to know myself.
But a precursor to the action steps is giving the desires permission to exist in the first place.
Psychotherapist and relationship expert, Esther Perel, defines desire as, “owning the wanting.” I am trying to own it. I am making space for the wants inside my heart and my mind. Little by little, I am surrendering to the possibilities in the seemingly unreachable. In many ways, it’s like gazing at the stars in the sky and making little wishes. Or big ones.
In the end, it’s not about all the desires on the list coming to fruition. It’s about holding my head up high knowing I had the courage to have them, hold them, and voice them in the first place. Each one like a twinkle lighting up my life’s sky.
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For Longing, a Poem by John O’Donohue
blessed be the longing that brought you here
and quickens your soul with wonder.
may you have the courage to listen to the voice of desire
that disturbs you when you have settled for something safe.
may you have the wisdom to enter generously into your own unease
to discover the new direction your longing wants you to take.
may the forms of your belonging – in love, creativity, and friendship –
be equal to the grandeur and the call of your soul.
may the one you long for long for you.
may your dreams gradually reveal the destination of your desire.
may a secret providence guide your thought and nurture your feeling.
may your mind inhabit your life with the sureness
with which your body inhabits the world.
may your heart never be haunted by ghost-structures of old damage.
may you come to accept your longing as divine urgency.
may you know the urgency with which God longs for you.
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[Photo by Kevin Cochran on Unsplash]