What if I fall? Oh, but my darling, what if you fly? —Erin Hanson

I’ve been thinking a lot over the past few years about love. What it is. What it isn’t. And why we’re so afraid of it, yet spend so much time chasing it.

I believe that when you give yourself completely to someone, it’s the greatest risk and the greatest joy. And this choosing – this action – is what I think love is. Not the fuzzy, butterfly-inducing, libido-driving thing that magnetically draws us to another person inexplicably, but something entirely different. An act of will. Something entirely conscious.

When you do decide to put it all out there and say, “I’m in and am giving you the most precious thing I have – my very essence,” it’s a beautiful thing. You are saying, “Protect me, nurture me, care more about my well being than even I do” and are agreeing to do the same for the other person.

In spite of my experience of having been the giver without receiving, I still believe in it – this love that I am describing. I have been lucky enough to witness it between friends who have healthy, loving unions where they are pushing each other to be their best. Where they have enough grace, patience, and grit to work through the inevitable struggles that arise.

I love how Tim Keller describes love in The Meaning of Marriage:

When over the years someone has seen you at your worst, and knows you with all your strengths and flaws, yet commits him – or herself to you, wholly it is a consumate experience. To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything. It liberates us from pretense, humbles us out of our self-righteousness and fortifies us for any difficulty life can throw at us.

Fear wants to squash the whole thing – to terrify you into running as fast as you can with your heart under lock and key. Because the risk is so damn great. I mean, you never enter into a situation hoping someone will be your next great heartbreak. And the lie the enemy perpetuates is that you’ll never recover if it doesn’t work out. That you will be utterly alone, exiled to live in the land of singledom forever, with no prospect of happiness. And certainly it could be true that you might never find romantic love which is not a pleasant thought. But you don’t have to be alone either. You can stand tall with hope for an incredible future. You can even thrive if you dare.

The good news is that hope is a more powerful force than fear. Like light that drowns out darkness, hope can wield its sword and slash doubt, confusion, and danger. And in love, it can be one of the threads that stitches together the scraps of a wounded heart. A fearful heart. And especially a heart ready to be chosen.

[Photo: My dear friends, Evan & Jess on their wedding day]