“I’m interested only in the present. If you can concentrate always on the present, you’ll be a happy man…Life will be a party for you, a grand festival, because life is the moment we’re living right now.” –Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

I don’t know about you, but birthdays always make me ponder my existence. It doesn’t matter how old I turn – I get the same urge to reflect on the years that have come before, celebrating victories and taking note of failures. And while growing older has aspects that are less than desirable, I also recognize that it’s a privilege.

I tell people all the time that life gets better with age. In my 40’s, I’m finding my voice, growing even deeper friendships, and caring less about what other people think of me. I’m discovering the parallel paths of grief and gratitude. I’m deconstructing and reconstructing my faith. And I’m learning to balance the tension of having dreams and simultaneously surrendering them instead of trying to to cajole and manipulate and mold the future into what I think it should look like.

It’s an ongoing process but letting go of expectations, outcomes, and knowing exactly how things will turn out forces me to embrace a new level of gratitude for my present.

When I do that, I’m at my best. I realize that the life I want exists now.  I have great friends, amazing community, a thriving business, incredible luxuries, travel, adventure, purpose, and so much more. I feel loved, valued, useful, fulfilled, and safe.

Obviously in no way, does this mean my life is perfect. There is still my healing heart. An aging body. An aging mind. Questions of self worth. The continual struggle to practice presence. And way more. But when I do focus on all the good things I get to call “mine,” I am overwhelmed with peace and hope. I see my life as luminous. Radiant. Extraordinary.

This is it – my life today. And I wouldn’t change a thing.*

*Ok I would have a better memory and some semblance of cartilage in my right knee 😉

[Photo: Diving in the Great Barrier Reef in 2017; photo byMarc Horning]